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I did sleep some last night, but continually have dreams of my mother. Not bad ones--she's clearly at peace. Just dreams. Dreams of her as a young woman, dreams of her dreams.
I continue to be shocked at how numb I am and for my sadness. As hard as the last six weeks have been, she only actually had five weeks of incapacity in her entire life and those were her last five weeks of life. And I only had five weeks of non-stop hospital/rehab/hospice days to deal with.
People keep suggesting I take more time off. I keep thinking I need to get back to work. I'm beginning to think they know more than I do about this.
And it would be good to just clean my house, go ahead and dismantle the totally neglected garden for fall, to put in some fall flowers, to take care of a few more things at Mother's house, and to sleep. Just sleep.
But I'll not make a decision about this until Sunday. I just need to honor this day, and be grateful for many, many good memories.
1 comment:
Christy, for what it is worth your friends and people as you call them are right. You do need to take some more time off. You need it for yourself to do those things that you mentioned. Those are the very things that heal your body and soul and they are what you need.
I don't need to tell the pastor that the grieving process is different for everyone. I believe you told me the same thing when my father died suddenly and I told you of my difficulties. So don't try to analyze your own process just go with it as it comes.
You may think that work is what you need to get back to since you are thinking about it like things are piling up. However, II will say that it may seem that is what you need, but what you need is time to process and just let things happen. And for you that is working the soil and finding peace in those things that have always brought peace to you.
I do so hope that today's service was helpful to you and gave you some peace about some things you've been having doubts about the last six weeks.
I continue to keep you in my prayers. Now please take the time to allow your body to recover from the five weeks you spent everything you had honoring your mother and her life.
Peace Be With You Always,
Love,
Angie
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