Thursday, January 13, 2011

My Dark Side

I have a dark side.  Anyone who knows me very well has to be highly aware of that.  My moods, my thoughts, my soul can periodically enter that deep darkness and wade in the sadness and sorrow to be found there.  Recently, it was suggested to me that I might be better off to eliminate that part of my experience.

I suppose with enough chemicals I might be able to do that.  Just “anti-” myself up enough to go through life with ever-ready cheer and drug supported happiness.  However, as I listened to that suggestion, a sense of horror filled me.  I responded, “It would be like cutting off a leg or an arm. This is an essential part of who I am.  It is in that darkness, that place where God doesn’t seem to exist, that I actually find God.”

However, I suspect I’d be easier to live with and work for  if I did just lop that portion of my life off.

So, I’m asking:  for those of you who know me, or for those of you who have your own dark side, or for those of you who don’t even know what a dark side is, what do you say to this? Emails or posted comments welcome.


Denton Girl said...
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Denton Girl said...

It is the darkness that makes me in awe of the dawn and it is when I find myself unintentionally wandering in the dark away from God thinking that I 'got it covered now' that I begin anew my search for the Light.

I appreciate my dark side too for what it is - part of me but the part I choose not to feed. It is a part of myself I can tap into if someone harms my child, for example. It should be seen as a piece of the puzzle that makes up who we are.

And on a sorta related topic:
How can we forget, according to Obi-Wan Kenobi the "Force" requires balance & in order for there to be light there must be dark.

As I told my kids, all stories of the struggle of light/dark & good/evil comes from the Original Story. Whether it be Star Wars, Harry Potter, Eclipse or David & Golitah or our good side versus our sinful side. PS: In the end, the Dark side always loses.

Christy Thomas said...

Good thinking, here. Thanks. Yes, the dark side does lose, thanks be to God. I just wonder how much I'd appreciate the final victory of God without those experiences.

Angie Hammond said...

Hey Christy,
I would shudder to think of my life without your dark side. It is the fact that you have it that enabled you to reach me and help me through some dark times of my own.

One story comes to my mind because I'm a Star Trek fan from the beginning. The episode from the original series where Kirk is split into two personalities as a result of a transporter malfunction. They are of course the dark side and the other one. The dark one is the one with the power and rules with an iron fist while the one with the good qualities seems weak etc. In the end they can't survive without each other and it is the good one that is really the strong one. The lesson was that everyone has some dark inside us that in some ways helps us when it is balanced by the good.

The above is just a repeat of what others have said to you.

However, I wanted to say to you that it was indeed a story of your darkness and how it transformed you that drew me to you and spoke to me. Without those experiences to share with me, I do not believe that I could have been reached by you or anyone else for that matter. It is much easier to know that you need to be healed when you can see where you have been. In other words, you come to appreciate the light so much more when you know what the darkness is like.

One other thought for what it is worth. Even Mother Teresa had times when she felt like God didn't seem to exist. These were her dark times and she felt blessed by them. She wrote of this in her letters that came to light after her death.

So, Christy I say to you. Keep your dark side embrace what it brings to you in finding God.
I am alive today because you have it and shared it with me.

Anonymous said...

Well, I think that most have an inner pool of sadness within times we wade into it's depths while other times, our fingers gently skim the surface. I think the key in deciding if it is advantageous or not is movement.

When we move through our pool, it tends to allow an opportunity for growth, self reflection, etc, and at times, a shattering of the person we thought we were. The momentum of our movement pushes us through to the other side. However, despair pulls as down like a steel anchor and holds us in place. We are then stuck in our sadness only able to move slightly in any direction, but with no real way to progress.

I am a believer in medical science and I do think that there are certainly times that warrent medication. Untreated depression can actually alter brain chemistry and is not to be taken lightly. Medications can help hold steady the mood issues allowing us to get our feet under us again and think a bit more clearly. Anti-depressants are not a cure for depression, nor are they intended for long term use (in most circumstances). They can, I believe, help us to free ourselves from the anchor so we can figure out how the anchor got there in the first place.

I think that moving through sadness is honor the feeling, know that you are not defined by it, and process it. It has been in these times in my own life, when I begged for God to take my sadness away, that He whispered to me "I cannot, because you will not learn what you need to learn if I do..."