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I appreciated the notification, and both the notifier and I agreed I could take no further action until later that day, so I returned to my bed, my side no longer warm because of the length of the phone call. Sleep, however, had fled from my bedroom and body. The engine of my brain roared to life, with no key available for me to turn it off.
I have a running joke with a local businessman that I only work two hours a week--the two hours of worship on Sunday mornings. That, of course, is the perception many have of us who fill that public role, but whose other work is often invisible.
I wonder today, in these dark hours, if time spent in heart-rending and passionate prayer for my people count as work hours. If the hours spent in careful self-examination and personal study that enable me to more mindfully offer a life suffused with grace and spiritual health to this community get to be counted as well. If the long moments spent with the sick of soul and sick of body seeking to re-ignite the hope of eternal life, both in the present and in the future, can be added to my work hour list. What about the moments when I am being told that I have failed as both pastor and leader because I have not lived up to the expectations placed upon me? Can I add those?
Clearly, the dawn has not yet broken, either outside or inside. I ponder those who work these dark hours: those in law enforcement, medical care, clerks in all-night enterprises. Does the outside darkness oppress them? Does the time spent in that inkiness reinforce for their tendency to melancholy as it does mine? Sleep, now hope of it completely gone, provides such a sweet way to spend that time. This has not been a sweet night at all.
The wind is picking up outside as greater chill invades North Texas. I sit wrapped in blankets, enjoying the warmth of my computer on my lap, noting that my hot tea grows cold quickly. My husband slumbers on, his rest only momentarily disturbed after I answered the call. I'm grateful for his sleeping sounds, the restful breaths. If I can't, at least he can. He spent his many dark hours doing what I am doing tonight and his rest is well earned.
I think about what seem to me to be stupid choices that have led to this 3 am. phone call. Everyone gets to make them. The more I try to protect people from the consequences of their choices, the worse things get. Ultimately, each of us has to assume responsibility for our own salvation, working things out directly with God. I can't force it, although I wish I could. I ponder again my own stupid choices over the years, remembering once more that there really is nothing that can separate us from the love of God except my decision not to receive it. God is present even in our stupidity--perhaps even more so, because those moments sometimes crack open doors to new life that have remained stubbornly stuck before. Sometimes . . . I can only hope tonight is one of those times.
1 comment:
Yes the hours of study, prayer,self exam, etc.
They all count as work.
I appreciate what you are saying. We see you only for a brief period on Sunday's and Wed. or special times, but work is always taking place even when you are resting.
I'd like to offer those of you reading this another way of thinking about work. Work in physics is defined as Force x distance. In other words no work is done if what you are applying the force to does not move.
So let's look at a pastor's daily life, in this case Christy's. She answered the phone which meant she picked it up. That is work. She listened and also talked so her lips moved, that is work.
She prays perhaps out loud, yes I see her praying aloud to God, even when alone, that is work.
She comforts the sick at their beside touching them holding them, that is work. She studies and reads moving her eyes and the pages, that is work.
She types, that is work. She preaches and we all know that is work because she does move around when she preaches.Finally when there is a brief moment, she sleeps and as she sleeps she breathes and moves perhaps as she dreams, and that is work.
So the next time you are in church and you see your pastor and you notice she looks a little tired, remember that sometimes it takes a great deal of force to get things to move and she is always working!
Remember too, that Newton's first law of motion says that an object at rest will remain at rest and an object in motion will remain in motion until acted on by an unbalanced force.
Things are happening in the city of Krum because of the force being applied by FUMC Krum and its pastor and congregation who are always moving and producing work.
In closing, Christy thank you for working for me all of these years
And remember that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.
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